Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
