We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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