You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
