i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
