wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
