Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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