This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
