No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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