I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
