I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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