My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
