it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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