I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
the liver wants what the liver wants
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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