I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
