splinters make it hard to masturbate
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
