I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
