nut hugger
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Everyone says I win the strip club
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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