Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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