it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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