I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
ttyl tear gas
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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