K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
