Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
we're so committed to being not committed
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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