Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
