i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
