Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
