Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
