so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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