I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
