I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize