I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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