I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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