Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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