the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize