I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
bring money and cleavage
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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