I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
