omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dear god my vagina.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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