I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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