My underwear smells like fireworks.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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