Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
