you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
