So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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