Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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