You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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