I will die if light touches me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
