i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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