He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
