Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
