Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
