I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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