Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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