Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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