I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
