Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
