so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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