Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
