Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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