do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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