Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
