I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
