Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize