I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
