And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
