my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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