Umm I'm too high to move.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize