How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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