lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
